First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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