Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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