Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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