just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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