why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
