And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
