So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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