I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
