i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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