can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
