I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
