I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
