he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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