Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
