dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
