YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
