theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
