If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
