They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
