go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
