I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
