drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
