i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
