If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is wine microwaveable?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
