I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
