we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
