Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
