my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
tell me about the eggs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
