Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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