so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
