Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
