You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
