That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
