You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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