google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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