I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
