I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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