I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize