i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
