Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
