why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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