How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
