my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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