How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
