Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
