He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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