Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize