The maid of honor just puked.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
