Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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