More tranny stories later!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
