Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
