I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
