I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
