Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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