Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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