someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
