There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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