I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
