his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
