What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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