THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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