I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
