is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
