Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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