u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
