SEEEEXXX PLEASE
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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