His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
