Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
