You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
