Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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