Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
