Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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