Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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