i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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